Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
