my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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