Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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