I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
