Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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