She is in my trunk
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
