I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
