Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
