His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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