yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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