It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize