i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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