Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
