I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize