I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
