Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
