i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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