He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if only i could text you this smell
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
