dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
