this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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