After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
