I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
