Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
