i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
