If that was your dad, he is hot
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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