I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
