The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
