Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
