I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
