All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Success! We fucked roommates!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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