Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
