when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
