He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
