Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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