I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have fence marks all over my body
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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