I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
