I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
