let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Bring me that man meat
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize