my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
