Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just gift wrapped bread.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
