put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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