tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
