youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
