Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
