non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
