so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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