Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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