She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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