Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
