Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
