Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
