roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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