she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
