I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
