I wish my penis had an off switch
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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