at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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