I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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