So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
