I'm sorry my penis didn't work
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's always time for handjobs
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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