I just pynch a tree in the face
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
