Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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