no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
