i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize