Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
