I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
