Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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