Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You are a booty call, not a friend.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
