It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
